Back to Life is a song I use. It's a song I need. The lyrics are from the person singing to a lover, I'm sure, but it works for me as a note I can leave for myself at times in my life when I have to shift back into Drive. Now is definitely one of those times.
I have a long-standing tendency to abandon myself. I break up with me now and then because I'm tired and I just don't know what to do with me. "Well, you're a complete disaster," I say, "what the Hell am I doing with you! Go away." So I slink into some or other sort of lull, get pretty seriously blue, and lose sight of what is important. I numb myself, because it's effortless. The thing is, it is cheating. It is the worst possible cheat, a real sin. It's a turning away from the truth of myself. Winston Churchill said, "If you're going through Hell, keep going..." When I've been away from where my heart is for long enough and life feels like Hell, this little phrase pops in to my head. It did at the end of this struggle of a Summer, just recently. At this point, I become willing to begin remembering stuff, to thaw out, to light a little fire by which I can see my way back to myself. I will listen to that song, Back To Life, as a sort of quiet little celebration by that fire. I can admit to wanting to return, and I can and will, as always, inevitably, return.
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